A couple of weeks ago here in this space, I unveiled a piece on if Taylor Swift songs were WWE Superstars. In it, I said that anyone that listens to Doing The Job (still every Tuesday night at eight!) knows two things that I am passionate about are T-Swift and professional wrestling. Well, there is something else you’ve likely figured out as well; I love Seinfeld.
(Random analyst of analyzation fact: If I were to pick my all-time favorite “thing” in entertainment, whether that be from television, literature, film, music, gaming, pro wrestling, etc., Seinfeld would likely top the list. Seriously.)
Having said all of that, this week I would like to propose this: what if Seinfeld characters were WWE Superstars? As much as I would love to, I’m not going to list everyone in the Seinfeld universe, but here are at least a few. Let’s have some fun.
(But wow, before I do that, I am currently writing this in a public area, and the person two seats away from me just started talking about Seinfeld. You have to love life sometimes.)
Jerry Seinfeld – John Cena
The star of the show. The main character. The “normal” one in a crazy universe, if that’s what is considered normal. The obvious choice here.
George Costanza – Paul Heyman
Short, stocky, bald men. Loud and boisterous. Are prone to rants and deliver monologues better than anyone. Extremely bad with money. If there was a real Jerk Store, Paul Heyman would probably run it.
Elaine Benes – AJ Lee
The lead female. One of the guys. Has had a million boyfriends. Briefly dated the main character.
Cosmo Kramer – Dean Ambrose
The crazy one, the lunatic fringe. You never know what you are going to see next. The wildcard. Does and says kooky things. Both are oft remembered by their nicknames in reference to the female body…the Assman and the Titty Master.
Newman – Bray Wyatt
Pure evil. Has been the arch nemesis of our main character. At times we have no clue what he’s talking about, but what a great talker he is. A mystery, wrapped in a riddle (or a Twinkie). Has a diabolical laugh. Schemes plots.
George Steinbrenner – Vince McMahon
I mean, come on. Nutjob bosses. Will fire people over anything. Seemingly unapproachable. Everyone is scared of them. Again, seriously, come on.
Kenny Bania – Bo Dallas
Mickey Abbott – Hornswoggle
I just had to.
Jackie Chiles – David Otunga
The ridiculous lawyer that you just want to punch. Except not in the loveable way with Otunga.
Yev Kassem (The Soup Nazi) – Rusev
JOHN CENA, NO MATCH FOR YOU!!
Bob Sacamano – Brock Lesnar
The stories about him are great, but unfortunately, we never see him.